Monday, December 14, 2009, 7:57 AM
you guys dont have the rights to say me.
because let me tell you here right now.
i think for you guys more than i think for myself.
because if i didn't think for you guys, i would have rebelled by now.
no one. NO ONE especially you guys have the right to say im selfish.
because fucking hell.
i always think for others before i do things for myself.
you say you have your reasons.
but all those reasons are fucking lame.
aren't my brothers human? what? Im not?
then why dont your reasons stand for them?
because im a girl?
fuck. i may be a fucking girl but i have a fucking brain to think what is right and what is wrong.
im not dumb.
you say that relationships will make me cry.
do you realise.
that all i cry is about the unfairness you treat me with.
i have never NEVER EVER felt that i was treated fairly before.
if not for all these,
i would not be so abusive.
i know self-abuse is stupid.
but that's all i got.
it does not matter whether i get angry or sad.
you dont care.
because all you care is that you're right.
people said, with my family treating me like that, i must be the type that will seek solace in outsiders.
wrong.
im a fucking loner.
a fucking emo loner.
because i can't stop thinking about it.
what's the use of making friends?
when all you will do is forbid.
why do i lie to you?
why do i go behind your back?
it's because i will never get recognition.
i will never be addressed.
because im the youngest.
because im a girl.
so this is the type of family im born with.
you guys say that i never ever voice out what is in me.
but when i do, you aren't happy.
so forget it.
i shall continue being a muted mule.
yes, a mule.
because i will never be a normal girl in your eyes.
just a mule.
your mule.
to do everything at your command.
i wish i could stop being such a fucking emo.
but no one can understand unless you have my mum as your mum.
you can say you understand and that your mum is like this too.
but deep down, she isn't.
unless you want to tell me your mum is mother fucking childish like mine.
then maybe so.
otherwise, don't tell me they are alike.
don't ever.
